Tips For Parents of Teenagers

Parents want their children to receive regular checkups and appropriate medical care, but they may not always consider how their teenage children feel about modesty in medical settings or having healthcare providers of the opposite sex perform certain examinations and procedures.

Many adolescents become especially sensitive about members of the opposite sex seeing parts of their bodies as they go through puberty and experience physical changes. Some younger teens may not fully understand the purpose of an intimate examination or procedure, yet still feel uncomfortable with what is happening. Parents often teach their children that no one should see or touch the parts of their bodies covered by a bathing suit. As a result, some children may struggle to understand why healthcare professionals need access to those same areas during medical care. For some, these experiences can be deeply distressing and may have lasting emotional effects.

Respecting Your Teenage Daughter’s Modesty

Many teenage girls feel uncomfortable with male pediatricians examining certain parts of their bodies. Some may also find it difficult to discuss personal topics, such as menstruation and breast development, with male doctors. Whenever possible, consider your daughter's comfort level and ask whether she would prefer a female healthcare provider.

Routine Pap tests are generally not recommended for adolescents under age 21, regardless of sexual activity. For more information, see our article about virgins and Pap smears.

Some teenage girls experience gynecological problems, such as unusually heavy menstrual bleeding, severe cramps, or ovarian cysts, that require medical attention. If your daughter needs gynecological care, find a qualified female OB/GYN. If there are no suitable female OB/GYNs nearby, consider traveling farther to find one who can meet her needs.

Some teenage girls feel uncomfortable with men, including doctors, touching intimate parts of their bodies. An intimate examination by a male doctor may be particularly distressing for a girl who strongly values her modesty. Some girls have also made a commitment to abstain from sex until marriage and feel that their future husband should be the only man who sees or touches certain parts of their bodies. Parents should listen respectfully to these concerns and help their daughters communicate their preferences to healthcare providers.

Preparing Your Teenager for Medical Appointments

Help your teenager understand what an examination or procedure may involve before going to the doctor’s office. Teach them to ask which parts of their body need to be examined and why any clothing must be removed. Make sure your teenager understands that they do not have to silently comply with requests to undress when they are uncomfortable or believe it is unnecessary. They have the right to question these requests, insist that their modesty concerns be taken seriously, and ask for alternatives that allow them to remain covered.

For example, if your teenage daughter has an elbow injury, she could wear a short-sleeved shirt so the doctor can examine her elbow without requiring her to remove her shirt. If she wears a sweater, wearing a thin shirt underneath would allow her to remove the sweater while remaining covered. Teach your teenager to question any request to remove clothing that does not need to be removed for the examination. They should ask the doctor to explain why exposing a particular area is necessary and insist that their privacy and modesty be protected as much as possible.

Teach your teenager never to be afraid to speak up for their bodily privacy and modesty, even when a doctor or other healthcare professional makes them feel pressured to comply. They can request a healthcare provider of the same sex, ask for unnecessary personnel to leave the room, and insist on remaining covered as much as possible during examinations and procedures.

Teenagers also need to know that they can question the necessity of an intimate examination, express their objections, and ask the healthcare provider to stop or pause while their concerns are addressed. Never teach your teenager to blindly obey a healthcare professional at the expense of their bodily privacy, personal boundaries, and dignity. Encourage them to stand up for themselves and seek help from a trusted adult when necessary, while ensuring that medically necessary care is not neglected.

Respecting Your Teenage Son’s Modesty

Be sensitive to the possibility that your teenage son may not want female nurses or other healthcare professionals present during examinations or procedures that expose his genital area. Modesty is a normal and personal concern for males as well as females. Some men and teenage boys strongly prefer male doctors and nurses for intimate medical care.

Many teenage boys also feel uncomfortable during sports physicals, especially when the examination involves their genital area. Read our article, Are Breast / Genital Exams Necessary for Sports Physicals? to learn how you can advocate for your son and help ensure he does not undergo unnecessary genital examinations.

Advocating for Your Teenager’s Preferences

If your teenager prefers a medical team made up entirely of providers of the same sex for a particular examination, procedure, or surgery, discuss this preference with the healthcare provider and medical facility well in advance. Ask what accommodations are possible and whether the requested team can be arranged.

Hospitals and medical practices may not always be able to guarantee that every member of a medical team will be of the requested sex. Nevertheless, discussing your teenager’s concerns early can help you explore available options and make an informed decision about where to seek care.

Your teenager may appreciate knowing that you take their feelings seriously and are willing to advocate for their privacy, comfort, and dignity. By discussing these issues openly, preparing them for appointments, and helping them communicate with healthcare professionals, you can support their growing ability to make informed decisions about their own medical care.

Always respect your teenager’s wishes not to wear a medical gown. One teenage girl was upset when her grandmother scolded her for refusing to follow a male physician assistant’s request to put on a paper gown. She was being evaluated for suspected flu, and a gown was not necessary.

Also, respect your teenager’s wishes regarding intimate examinations. Listen to their concerns, take their modesty seriously, and help them understand whether an examination is medically necessary and what alternatives may be available.

Help your teenager speak up for their modesty, protect their privacy, and receive medical care that respects their dignity and personal preferences.