Tips For Parents of Young Children

Pediatric modesty is an issue that is rarely addressed but deserves greater attention. Parents often want their children to receive regular checkups and appropriate medical care, but they may not always consider how their children feel about modesty and privacy in medical settings. Even young children can be sensitive about their bodies and personal boundaries.

Many parents teach their children that only they or certain trusted relatives should touch their private parts and that they should tell a trusted adult if someone touches them inappropriately. Some children as young as three understand the concept of inappropriate touch. Other children are taught that, after reaching a certain age, they should not allow members of the opposite sex to see them naked. They may not understand why these boundaries seem different when doctors and nurses are involved.

Some children are already frightened of the doctor's office because of previous painful or traumatic experiences. Their fear may be greatly compounded when a medical examination or procedure involves exposing or touching private parts of their bodies, especially when they have been taught to keep those areas private. Parents and healthcare professionals should be sensitive to these concerns and make every reasonable effort to help children feel safe and respected.

Stand Up for Your Child’s Modesty and Well-Being

Always strive to respect your child’s wishes and protect their psychological well-being.

Many children feel distressed when they believe their privacy or modesty has been violated. Some may also feel intimidated by adults in positions of authority and hesitate to speak up when a healthcare professional recommends or performs an intimate examination or procedure. As a parent, you can advocate for your child, encourage them to express their concerns, and ask about appropriate alternatives.

Keep in mind that pelvic examinations are not routinely necessary for most prepubertal girls. However, certain symptoms or medical conditions may warrant an examination. Ask the healthcare provider to explain the medical reasons for any recommended procedure, why it is necessary, and whether less invasive alternatives, such as an abdominal ultrasound, can be used

Routine wellness visits should not require genital examinations. Such examinations should be performed when medically indicated, rather than as a matter of routine without a clear clinical reason.

It is also important to advocate for your child’s bodily autonomy and ensure that any physical contact, particularly involving intimate areas, is not done unnecessarily. This applies to contact over clothing as well as direct contact. Children should never be made to feel that they must unquestioningly comply with an adult’s request simply because that person is a healthcare professional. Encourage your child to ask questions, express discomfort, and speak up when something feels wrong.

One woman who experienced PTSD following an incident in preadolescence shared the following account with MPM:

“I was taken to see a dermatologist for common skin issues that young people my age often deal with. Since the affected areas surrounded my face, I was unnerved and confused when the doctor asked me to lie back on the examination table so he could take my pulse. But given that society dictates unquestioning compliance with medical personnel, I did as I was told, even though I didn’t want to. I even tried to prop myself up on my elbows to avoid lying completely flat, but the doctor ordered me to lie down. He then lifted up my shorts, looked down for what seemed like an eternity, and slid his hand down to my groin, where he left it. I was so horrified that I couldn’t move or cry out in protest at what was happening to me. There were other ways to take a pulse. Male doctors should never be allowed to make such intimate contact with women—especially young girls—when other viable options are available.”

Experiences like this underscore the importance of informed consent, appropriate professional boundaries, and respect for a child’s bodily autonomy. Parents can help protect their children by asking questions, requesting explanations before examinations begin, discussing alternatives, and ensuring that any intimate contact is not done unnecessarily. Children have the right to decline any intimate examinations, and their decisions should be respected and supported.

Research Medical Procedures, Medications, and Diagnoses

Always take the time to research recommended medical procedures, medications, and diagnoses. Do not assume that a doctor's recommendation is automatically the only or best option. Healthcare professionals have specialized training, but parents can and should ask questions, seek clarification, and request a second opinion when they have significant concerns.

Ask about the purpose of a procedure, its benefits and risks, whether it is urgent, and whether less invasive alternatives are available. The goal is to make informed decisions that protect your child's health while respecting their privacy, comfort, and personal boundaries.

Helping Your Child Feel Comfortable During Hospital Care

Some young children feel uncomfortable when unfamiliar nurses bathe them or assist with personal hygiene. If your child is hospitalized, try to be available to bathe your child yourself or be present while a nurse assists with bathing. Your presence may help your child feel safer and more comfortable.

You can also ask the nursing staff to explain what they are doing before touching your child, keep your child covered as much as possible, and provide privacy during bathing and other personal care. If you cannot be present, discuss your child's concerns with the staff and ask what accommodations can be made.

Learning From Other Parents’ Experiences

We encourage you to read Young Children and Modesty by Holly Goodwin. Holly describes a distressing experience she had at age five, when she was misdiagnosed with a yeast infection. She later learned that she had interstitial cystitis, and the cream prescribed for the yeast infection made her symptoms worse.

Holly shares valuable insights into how parents can be sensitive to their children's modesty concerns and advocate for their needs. Her experience also highlights the importance of asking questions and seeking clarification when a diagnosis or treatment does not seem right.

Preparing Your Child for Medical Appointments

Before taking your child to the doctor, help them understand what parts of their body may need to be examined and why. Encourage your child to ask questions and speak up if something makes them uncomfortable.

Explain that they can ask whether a healthcare provider of the same sex is available for certain examinations or procedures. They can also ask why clothing needs to be removed, request to remain covered as much as possible, and express discomfort if they do not understand what is happening.

Children should know that they can ask questions and express their concerns. Parents can help ensure their voices are heard and that examinations and procedures are explained in an age-appropriate way. Although children can express their preferences and concerns, parents and healthcare professionals should work together to make medically appropriate decisions that protect the child's health and well-being.

Advocating for a Same-Sex Medical Team

If your child prefers a medical team made up of providers of the same sex for a particular procedure or surgery, discuss this preference with the healthcare provider and medical facility well in advance. Ask whether the requested arrangements can be accommodated.

A facility may not be able to guarantee that every member of the medical team will be of the requested sex, but discussing your child's concerns ahead of time can help you explore available options. If necessary, consider other qualified providers or facilities that may be better able to accommodate your family's preferences, while ensuring that your child receives appropriate and timely medical care.

Your child will appreciate knowing that you take their feelings seriously and are willing to advocate for their privacy, comfort, and dignity.

For more information, read our article about teenagers and modesty.

Stand up for your child's modesty, protect their privacy, and help ensure that their medical care respects their dignity and emotional well-being.